i want to throw myself into so many things, it's just the jump-off point that i struggle with. hate wasted effort, even more so, failure...which let me state here: i've crashed and burned more than a few times. routine isn't my thing always, but right now i'm thirsty for some order in my life. once i accomplish that, it's just about finding the time & not dropping the ball. for once, i'd love to not drop that goddamn ball.