13.4.10

the last thing i've ever wanted was to live an "ordinary life"

sometimes i can't handle the thought of just having a job that involves doing the same exact thing everyday, with others that want out equally as much.
working for someone else who doesn't give a fuck about your well-being, and could care less if your labor to pay ratio is completely bogus.
settling on a career that only makes me more bitter about people, the world, money, myself? why would you if you have the drive to go higher?

and children. my god, there are enough on this planet as it is.
i'm lucky i can properly care for myself, which i don't, let alone another human.
too many people make casual comments about their kids being a burden on them-financially, socially, mentally, etc.
first, it's not anyone's fault that they're parents were in the mood to screw and ended up with yes, a child that eats your food, needs your attention, asks for money, makes messes.
second, if you have the choice (and there are more than a few out there) to have or not have kids, and you know you don't want to give up the luxuries of not parenting, then DON'T.
or adopt, if you must, because while families are having "14 Kids & Counting", orphanages and foster homes are still filling up daily with children that deserve every chance others do.
i am not afraid to say that i am too selfish to parent a child, at least for the plans i have, i am. and so are many many others, which i find nothing wrong with.
better than being naive and thinking a baby is the solution to your problems.

now excuse that long tangent on my deep thought of reproducing, it's just an issue i think more people should think about.

i'm attracted to more strange and quirky things in life, than normal and 'safe'.
whether it's music, films, art, fashion, other people, the list goes on and on.
it's such a waste to worry about being acceptable to others, and how to blend in.
no one is the same, why act it?
but at the same time, don't come out appearing as something you know you're not.
a contrived persona is such a buzz-kill quality, it's not even funny. (well sometimes it is)
what i'm getting at, is what the fuck ever sounded appealing about being normal, ordinary or safe?
dwelling on what could've or should've been only sets you back further.
i'm just focusing on what CAN be, and WILL be.

but hey, what is "ordinary", right?

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